Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
