Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
