I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
