I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
