Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
