Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i think i have two assholes
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
