How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
