Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
