I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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