yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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