I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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