That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
