I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize