These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
