kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
