someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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