i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
