And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
