never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
