I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
