called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
