if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I understand Curling. That high.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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