Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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