That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
