Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
