Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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