New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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