my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
