How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
