just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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