Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She bit a glass in half.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
In other news, I just burned my penis
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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