just come out here and I will go home with you...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
