I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize