she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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