you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
