Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
