i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
