Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
