my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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