everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
