i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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