How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
