he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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