My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think my fart just growled at me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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