You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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