i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
