he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
