I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
