Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
