i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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