i barfeds in our rink
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
