Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize