yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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