I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
