I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
