I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize