You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
