highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
