apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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