I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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