I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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