Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my being single is dangerous.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
