Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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