drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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