All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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