I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
my poor anus
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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