Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
