Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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