So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
