my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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