I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
