this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
