Pappa wants mamma naked
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
