i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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