did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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