shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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