hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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