Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize