Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize