there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
