I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
