i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
