I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He passed out mid-signature
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
