I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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