I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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