I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
