Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
