My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
