She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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