u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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