Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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