i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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