i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
